The Notebook – My own Notebook

I relived some moments today when I watched The Notebook again. It’s not like it’s the first time I have seen the movie. But 2 times before, I couldn’t relate much. I just thought well they fell in love just because she’s beautiful

And today, I really felt it. When Allie was about to get married to the guy that she thought she loved, she remembered her true love, Noah, her 17 year old summer lover. They said they were never really over each other, in fact, they are still not over each other. 

But the reality kicked in, Allie has a fiancé waiting for her, he gave her a ring and she gave him her words, that those short reunited days with Noah were wonderful but also irresponsible. 

This was the full conversation between them, and I’ll tell you my own conversation later:

[1:47] Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we’re already fighting

N: Well, that’s what we do. We fight. You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. They have like 2 second rebound rate and you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

A: SO, WHAT?

N: So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. And we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that, because I want you. I want all of you (this part’s quite cheesy so I’m just gonna cut it :P)

A: *crying laugh*

N: Will you do something for me? Please? Will you just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now, what’s it look like? If it’s with this guy, go! Go!

I lost you once, I think I could do it again, if I thought it’s what you really wanted. But don’t you take the easy way out.

A: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.

N: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

A: It’s not that simple

N: What do you want?!

A: It’s not…

N: God Damn it, what do you want?….

I don’t know…

Same as Allie, that was my answer to K when he asked me what I wanted, I have to make a decision, and I kept saying “I don’t know”.

And P also told me to stop thinking about what other people want but think about what I want. Chị An told me to picture my life with one of them and see who I see myself with….

And I did think and tell both of them no matter who I choose, somebody gets hurt.

I made my decision, tho, to follow my heart. And it was not easy, for anyone. It’s not gonna be easy in the future. I don’t know what are waiting ahead of us. But I love P (I’ve been always) and I think I’m gonna be strong to fight for this fight.

As Allie’s mom told her: I hope you make the right choice

We don’t actually know what is the right choice at that right exact moment. Even for the mom, she made her choice before and now she’s been wondering what if she made the different choice. We’ll all do that, thinking of the possibility of what could have been if we choose the other option. But I know, for now, I’m happy with mine.